Wednesday, September 15, 2010

A new beginning

So, I haven't done this blogging thing since Xanga and Live Journal was big...a million years ago. But I thought I'd try again. I'm not really going to be all shaken up if no one reads it, this is really just a personal thing I am doing for my benefit. But if you are reading it feel free to let me know you're here.

Just a bit about me: I am 23 and just graduated college and returned home to live with my parents for a year. I am secretly saving up for a house that I am hoping the township does not tear down before I have enough money for it. I graduated with a degree in teaching and Spanish. I also am a fencer. I've been fencing for about five years and I recently took up archery and dart throwing as well (I have no idea why I love playing darts).

I have an amazing boyfriend who at the current moment is studying computer science at the place I graduated from. We have been dating for eight months (as of yesterday). He is very sweet and caring. I have dated several guys in my life, but this is the first time I feel honestly and passionately loved. Right now we are working through a long distance thing for the first time since we started dating, but we are doing our best to make it through. 

Something a bit more personal: I have an anxiety disorder. So I find some things hard to deal with. For example, I do not deal with stress well and I am often very critical of my actions. I also tend to have vivid and very disturbing nightmares. Writing helps me clear my head of things when I am frustrated and helps me deal with feelings that are otherwise too difficult to deal with. This is the first September in three years that I am dealing with this on my own without my counselor. I want to do this alone, I don't want to find another counselor. So I am doing this blog thing to track my progress and sort through my thoughts until I make it to Christmas.

Anyway, last bit about me: My favorite flowers are roses. So in honor of my favorite flower and the new beginning I am hoping to make for myself, I have titled my blog: Black Rose. Black Roses do not always mean death, instead they symbolize a new beginning of things...a major change or upheaval. Or it can mean death...the death of old habits and the beginning of a new era. Black roses inspire confidence, hope and joy. So this is the end...the end of my fears and negative feelings....and the beginning of a new me.

So what does this year have in store for me? I am on a list of substitute teachers for a few different school districts in my area and I will be running an after school reading program as well. At night, I am a receptionist at a local nursing home and I will be acting in "It's a Wonderful Life" that my adult drama group and I will put on in November. I hope to start dancing one night a week, but I haven't quite figured out where I am going to squeeze that in and I also fence with a local fencing school.

After that....we'll see where the year takes me....

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as before; after my move I kinda cocooned, reinforced by how I rarely have cell phone service up here.

    I'm always here for you though, especially if you want to commiserate over long distance relationships or anxiety. I have a lot of similar problems. ;)

    Love you!