Wow...It's Been A While...

So I finally found a pet store that sells rabbits. I got a brown Holland Lop. She will grow to be about 4 or 5 pounds so she won't be very big. Piccolo, the mini lop I was looking to adopt, was 7 pounds. They bred Mini lops and dwarf rabbits to get Holland Lops...that's why they are smaller. I'm not sure what she weights now, but it can't be much more than 3 or 4 pounds so she's probaly as big as she is going to get.

So, after much debate, we finally named her Caramel. She is approximately 3 or 3 1/2 months old. She is still a baby so she is very destructive. She chews on EVERYTHING and she loves to dig (even though most things she digs at do not move when she digs at them). She also loves to move her litter box around the cage which causes her to accidently dump it all over her bedding....she's actually doing it right now as I'm typing this.

It was a bit rough in the beginning. She was from a breeder but I guess she had been at the pet store isolated for a while and didn't interact much with humans. So she was really skiddish when we first brought her home. But I left her in her cage for abour 36 hours without taking her out. I put my hand in to pet her and stuff and she got used to me that way. Then, little by little I'd let her run around for a while out of her cage.

Now, the first time I let her out I thought I had everything thought out. I moved everything she could chew on and I got her a ball to push around with her nose. I read that instead of reaching in to grab her, I should open the door and let her come out on her own terms. She came out and pushed the ball for a little. Then, a teeny tiny spider crawled over my mom's leg...she screamed and Caramel darted underneath my brother's bed! It took us a half hour to get her back into her cage. She kept running around the room hiding behind stuff. I am not sure if she was actually frightened or if she thought we were playing.

But I bought her a pen so she doesn't escape again and she and I sit in the pen and watch tv together. She runs around and chews up the blanket we put in there for her. I also got her a stuffed bear that she throws around and tries to tear apart. I got her this ball of grass and she LOVES it and grunts at me whenever I touch it. She lets me pet her now and even comes up to the cage door to greet me when I reach in to change her food and litter. She even jumped into my lap of her own accord the other day. So it took a lot of work but she is definitely warming up to people.

I am hoping that with some more work I can one day begin training her to be a therapy animal. I think it'd be a lot of fun to take her to nursing homes and let the residents sit with her and pet her. Many times, elderly patients cannot bend down to pet dogs or cats, but a bunny would be perfect for them. They can hold on to them and pet them and they don't have to worry about bending over which could be painful for them. But, Caramel is definitely not ready for that. She is not comfortable being grabbed and she would rather chew on things and run around and play instead of sit and be pet. But she is still young yet, so once she matures she'll be more able to do that. Even if she could do that now, she is too young to be spayed and all therapy animals need to be fixed regardless of what kind of animal they are.

Anyway, so that's really all that is new with me. Caramel and I have been spending lots of time playing. I've been working long hours at the nursing home as well so between working 8 to 12 hour days and spending time with my bunny, I haven't really had much time to blog about her yet......or even about the Steelers game I went to see last weekend. Which, Caramel was not happy about....my going away to see the steelers meant I went away and left her for my mother to care for which I don't think my mother is well liked yet. And also my mom was not comfortable letting Caramel run around and play so she was cooped up in her cage all weekend. But the game was a ton of fun even though the Steelers lost. :-(

And things with Mike are going well...I mean apart from the distance thing. Mike went with me to the game and we stayed in a hotel. We went to a fencing tournament the day before the game and we both did not do as well as we hoped. But I think we learned a lot and know what to work on now. We downloaded skype and we've been staying in contact through our webcams. I am thankful we can do that cuz I can see him and hear him.....but sometimes I hear about how bad his day was or how much work he has to do or how painful his toothache is and I wish I could hug him though the webcam too. I need a stargate.

There's Caramel. :-D

Long Distance Sucks

Ugh.....this long distance thing is terrible.

Some days I can handle it better than others. I mean, I know that this is the best situation right now for both of us. I would love to be with Mike every moment of every day, but right now, he needs to focus on finishing up his school work. He needs to get himself a job and make some money so that he can come back home when he's done and find somewhere for himself (or both of us) to live. And I need to be at home getting my foot in the door of the teaching world, making an impression on schools so that next year they'll hire me as a full time teacher. I tell myself that we just need to make it until the summer. Then, we'll be together again every day. But secretly I wish a school in ****** would call me and hire me...even if it was just as a teacher's assistant for a year, I'd take the job in a minute to be closer to Mike. But beggers can't be choosers. I have to take what I can get.

Of course, there are other days....like yesterday and today....when I just can't handle this. I am two hundred miles away from the most amazing man on earth. I can't be there for him to help him study like I could last year....I can't be there for him to celebrate a new job with him...I can't be there to fence with him....Take yesterday, I texted him at 3:30 in the afternoon, didn't get a response and then I texted him at 6, and then again at 8, and then again at 8:30. I started to worry when I didn't hear back by 9 so I called him and he didn't answer. I called his roommate who had no idea where he was and I called another friend of his who had no idea where he was. So I texted a friend and asked him to run over and knock on Mike's door to make sure he was okay. If I had been up there too, I could have run over and seen for myself and made sure he was okay. I know it was a little silly to think so, but I was picturing Mike in a ditch somewhere bleeding to death! He just got a new car...a stick shift...that he only sort of knows how to drive. He could have taken it somewhere and then gotten himself into an accident or something like that. I almost called the police to have them go check on him too!! But I mean, anybody would have been worried after not hearing from someone for almost SEVEN hours that they normally hear from within minutes of sending a text. I mean, I know he's taking classes and can't always text right away....but seven hours without hearing from him was a bit uncharacteristic. After all that time and all that worrying, he ended up being okay, just left his phone in the other room while he was playing on XBOX. Such a man. :-P

So yeah....this long distance thing is definitely a bit unnerving at times. I sometimes day dream that he'll find this amazing internship and they'll want him for a year after he graduates. So, when he graduates, I would move up there for the summer and get a summer job and then a job as a teacher and we'd live in his little apartment for a year. Of course, I don't really care where he ends up working....cuz I'd do anything for that little house that I want....it's a dump but it's so cute! We'd have so much fun fixing it up together! Oh my god...I'm such a girl....

A new beginning

So, I haven't done this blogging thing since Xanga and Live Journal was big...a million years ago. But I thought I'd try again. I'm not really going to be all shaken up if no one reads it, this is really just a personal thing I am doing for my benefit. But if you are reading it feel free to let me know you're here.

Just a bit about me: I am 23 and just graduated college and returned home to live with my parents for a year. I am secretly saving up for a house that I am hoping the township does not tear down before I have enough money for it. I graduated with a degree in teaching and Spanish. I also am a fencer. I've been fencing for about five years and I recently took up archery and dart throwing as well (I have no idea why I love playing darts).

I have an amazing boyfriend who at the current moment is studying computer science at the place I graduated from. We have been dating for eight months (as of yesterday). He is very sweet and caring. I have dated several guys in my life, but this is the first time I feel honestly and passionately loved. Right now we are working through a long distance thing for the first time since we started dating, but we are doing our best to make it through. 

Something a bit more personal: I have an anxiety disorder. So I find some things hard to deal with. For example, I do not deal with stress well and I am often very critical of my actions. I also tend to have vivid and very disturbing nightmares. Writing helps me clear my head of things when I am frustrated and helps me deal with feelings that are otherwise too difficult to deal with. This is the first September in three years that I am dealing with this on my own without my counselor. I want to do this alone, I don't want to find another counselor. So I am doing this blog thing to track my progress and sort through my thoughts until I make it to Christmas.

Anyway, last bit about me: My favorite flowers are roses. So in honor of my favorite flower and the new beginning I am hoping to make for myself, I have titled my blog: Black Rose. Black Roses do not always mean death, instead they symbolize a new beginning of things...a major change or upheaval. Or it can mean death...the death of old habits and the beginning of a new era. Black roses inspire confidence, hope and joy. So this is the end...the end of my fears and negative feelings....and the beginning of a new me.

So what does this year have in store for me? I am on a list of substitute teachers for a few different school districts in my area and I will be running an after school reading program as well. At night, I am a receptionist at a local nursing home and I will be acting in "It's a Wonderful Life" that my adult drama group and I will put on in November. I hope to start dancing one night a week, but I haven't quite figured out where I am going to squeeze that in and I also fence with a local fencing school.

After that....we'll see where the year takes me....